Broken, Buried and Loved
by Ketakoshka Kathleen Castlionia
Summary: Yullen Week story: After Kanda finds Allen who just wants to die, he takes him in and shows him that he can be loved.


**Warnings: yaoi, lemons, Yullen… um… I think that's it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man obviously.**

**Theme: Adamantine: strong as a diamond, unbreakable, clear/and or pure**

* * *

**So, here's my contribution (one of three) to Yullen Week. I hope it turned out well...**

**Love, Keta.**

* * *

Broken, Buried and Loved

Snow falls slowly, sparkling in the sky as it descends to paint the world a wondrous white. The hard packed crystals crunch as feet come down on them, stamping their beauty into a chunk of watery diamonds. There's something in the air that screams 'run from this cold!', but it's unheeded by the teenager who's walking alone. Kanda's searching for his rival, the one who makes him want to scream with anger and smash his head against the wall, because the idiot took off into the night after a slightly nasty comment about his curse. He now, slightly, regrets those words, if only because he has to go find him or risk Lenalee's wrath.

He walks along the slowly disappearing tracks until he comes upon a cave where they disappear, so he slips inside, hearing sniffling from the moment he enters. "Moyashi?"

"What do you want?"

The harsh biting tone surprises Kanda into moving in farther to find a small speck of white in the darkness, Allen's hair. "Why did you run away?"

Instead of answering, he shouts, "go away!" At that angry, pleading cry, the samurai, snags him from the ground and throws him over his shoulder. "No! Leave me here!"

"Why?"

"So I can die!"

Fear for no reason claws at Kanda's heart, and when he speaks, it comes out as barely more than a whisper. "Why?"

"Because I'm a monster..."

"Who called you that?"

The harsh tone shocks Allen into complete stillness; it's as if Kanda cares... "Many people... My entire life, I've been a monster in human clothing... Nothing more, nothing less."

"That's not true."

"How do you know? You've never had a polite conversation with me to ever find out... You've only been exposed to my anger..." He winces at the sharp pain that lances through his stomach from hunger.

Kanda, feeling it, asks, "when's the last time you ate?"

"A couple of days ago..."

Teeth gnash together with anger as the bluenette growls, "why?"

"I... I didn't feel like it..."

"Feel like it! That stupidity could kill you! This is why I get so pissed off at you, Moyashi!"

Allen's rendered speechless for a few minutes, but once he regains the use of his vocal cords, he says, "that almost sounded like you cared..."

"I don't."

"I know." Allen sighs and lays his head down, silence causing the samurai exorcist to rethink the way he's treating his rival...

"Why do you really want to die, Walker? Be honest with me... No more half-assed lies and excuses. I want the complete and honest truth."

"I-I..." Silver pools that have fought to contain his tears for years suddenly let them cascade down pale cheeks. "Because you hate me..."

Kanda blinks in confusion, and as he sees the cabin they're staying in appear on the horizon, he says, "I don't hate you. I've never actually hated you, Walker..."

Before long, Allen's succumbed to exhaustion, and nothing short of an akuma attack will rouse him, so Kanda puts him in his bed and curls up beside him, taking solstice in he fact that he was able to save the life of the one person who can keep him on his toes, make him feel alive.

* * *

Allen wakes up from the increasingly violent pains in his stomach and tries to put his hands there in an attempt to make it still, but Kanda's arms keep him trapped. He whimpers slightly, waking the bluenette from his slumber, despite the fact that he doesn't want to. "Walker, what's wrong?"

"Hungry..." he admits.

"Then let's get something to eat."

The fragile whitette tries to get up and walk, only to stumble and fall back on the bed. 'Damn it... I let it go too far...' He attempts it again but is stopped by the other exorcist picking him up bridal style. 'What the hell is he thinking?!' His face flushes, and he says, "I can walk by myself!"

"No, you can't. You need food, right now."

"No, I'll be okay... I've gone longer without eating."

"Before or after your innocence activated?"

"Before."

Kanda looks him in the eyes and internally sighs. 'What the hell kind of childhood did you have?' Not that he's one to talk, but he's curious about the life that would make Allen okay without eating so much and ingrain a malicious insult into his head. "You need to eat. The times of starving yourself are over, even if I have to force feed you."

Allen's rendered speechless at the soft tone of voice that oozes care. He doesn't understand why Kanda's being so nice to him, but he likes it. He likes it a lot.

* * *

"Is something bothering you?"

"Yeah," Allen admits, looking up from his small mound of food, "why don't you call me Allen?"

Kanda looks up and sighs. "You haven't given me permission."

"Oh..." The silver eyed boy finally remembers that about Japan... 'Oops...' Then he grins. "You can call me Allen."

It's the samurai's turn to give a small grin that he offers up so freely to his comrade in the solitary enviroment that is their cabin. As he stands up to put the dishes away, he grabs his coat and Mugen. "You're going to stay here while I check things out."

"Okay... Why can't I come?"

"You need to rest. You'll get hurt."

"No, I won't!"

"You can't even walk properly."

"Yes, I can!"

Kanda merely ignores his protests and carries him back to his bed. "You'll stay here and entertain yourself until I get back."

"But-"

"Please, Allen." Silver eyes go wide, and he nods. "Thank you."

"Do you need me to go get you anything?"

"No. Timcampy can do it..."

At that Kanda turns to leave but just before he steps out of the door, he says, "you can call me Yuu if you want."

* * *

The next two days pass by extremely fast for Allen who spends them in near solitude, sleeping and eating. Slowly, his body starts to feel normal again, so on the morning if the third day, he walks over to Kanda and wraps his arms around him in a hug. "What are you doing, Allen?"

"Nothing," he answers. "Just hugging you... Thanks for taking care of me." Kanda's surprised but can't bring himself to say anything mean. "I like you..."

That surprise turns into shock. "What?"

"I like you... When you're not being an ass." Silver eyes glow with delight as he walks away, happy that Kanda didn't try to hurt him for expressing his feelings. It's true that he was going to kill himself because of the way the samurai treats him, but he doesn't feel that way now. He feels almost... loved.

* * *

Almost three days later, they return to headquarters, exhausted from their marathon mission to find that Kanda's room was destroyed by a Komuirin, so Allen offers up his own to the man. "I'll sleep on the floor," he offers, getting a glare in response from the bluenette.

"No way in hell. We slept just fine in the same bed on our mission. It'll work here too."

"Okay..."

They lie together that night in comfort until a nightmare rocks their sleep as Allen screams out in twisted agony. "Mana! Please! Stop it! I'm sorry!"

Kanda's eyes snap open, and immediately he's trying to wake the poor teenager. "Allen! Allen!"

The whitette shoots forward as he'd brought into consciousness, slamming his head into the samurai's. "Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!"

"It's alright..." Kanda presses a soft kiss to his forehead and lays back down, pulling his roommate to his side. "Just go back to sleep."

"Okay, Kanda."

"Yuu. I want you to call me by my given name." He promptly goes back to sleep, leaving Allen to his shock.

* * *

"Yuu!" Allen calls out as he races into the cafeteria. "Komui wants to see us!"

Everyone waits for the bloodbath they ate sure is to come, but it doesn't. "Alright, Allen. I'm coming..." So he walks beside the whitette, taking up his hand and ignoring the bewildered people they left behind.

* * *

"We have a slight problem."

Kanda and Allen raise an eyebrow simultaneously. "What kind?"

"I have to test something, and I have no one to test it on willingly. So you're going to do it for me."

"What?!"

"Well," Komui says, "I need your help. I don't think it'll hurt you..."

"No." Kanda grabs Allen and slings him over his shoulder. "I'm not going to let you mess with my Moyashi again." And he walks out.

* * *

"Why did you do that?" Allen cries, once they're safe inside of his room. "People will start to talk!"

"Let them," Kanda replies. "Rumors are rumors unless you want them to be truth."

"What do you mean?"

"They'll think us to be dating. So we can date." At Allen's still confused look, he says, "Allen, I want you to be my boyfriend. Are you okay with that?"

"...Yes!"

* * *

Another month passes them by before it goes beyond gentle kisses and touches. They were careful about who would see at first, but then suddenly, Kanda kisses Allen in the cafeteria... That night, Allen, ever terrified of what this stage would bring, gives in finally to more than just the occasional make out; he gives up his virginity.

"Are you sure about this?"

Allen nods at Kanda's question and moves to kiss his boyfriend. The samurai responds in kind, loving the moans that he wrenches from the whitette's mouth, and attempts to make him beg. His hand slips up the teen's shirt to pinch and tweak a nipple as his teeth nip at his neck and shoulders, sucking along the way to leave a multitude of hickeys. At first, it doesn't seem like the boy's going to ask for anything until a hand slips down to palm his dick. "Ahh! Kanda!"

"Yes?"

"You're a fucking bastard!"

"I know." Continuing to torment his love, Kanda strips him and trails a lube-slickened finger down to trace his entrance, getting a whine of need in return. "Ask for it."

"No!"

"Ask for it or I quit."

Allen, fearing that to be that truth, whimpers and pushes the man's hand against his straining sex. "P- please don't stop... I want it!" Hearing what he needs to, Kanda sinks the teasing finger into the whitette's hole and gets a short, bitten-back squeal. "Ahh... Hah!" It starts to move, loosening up muscles and getting delicious sounds of pleasure in return. Kanda smirks at the ukeish expression on the other's face and he leans down to bite and suck at his nipple before thrusting in another finger. "Kanda!"

"Yes, Allen?"

"Y-you are- Ahh!" His special spot's bumped as he starts talking, making him a shivering, shaking ragdoll in Kanda's arms. The bluenette chuckles at the expression on his lover's face and wiggles another in to start manipulating the teen's prostate. "Oh! Please... Just!"

A low, keening sound leaves the teen just like the digits that had him ascending to new heights and he clutches to the sheets as something hot and heavy rests against his rosette. "Are you ready?" He nods, and his samurai presses in, getting a soft cry of pain that he muffles with his mouth. "It's okay... You'll be alright."

True to Kanda's words, a few minutes later, Allen gives the okay, and as he's filled, his head snaps back, hitting the bed with enough force that a shock of pain grips him. "Ah!" His eyes scrunch up slightly as he tries to will through the feeling of being ripped in half, or that's what he's thinking, but once he's completely loosened up against the intrusion, he's moaning at the friction against his insides. "It d-doesn't hurt… Harder," he whispers.

"Alright…" A loud gasp makes Kanda move with more brutalizing force, wanting to tear more and more sounds from the pale throat, and he gets them without a second thought. A mewling sound makes him look up into half lidded eyes and smile. "You're j-just to precious… You know th-that?" Allen's too delirious in his own pleasure to pay attention to what his boyfriend has to say especially when his climax seems inevitable. Soon enough, he's calling out for Kanda to just let him cum. His samurai's astonished by the words, but he pushes past it to grasp the cock that's been pressed between the two of them and stroke hard, wanting to make his whitette tumble over the edge.

"Ahh! Kanda!" Allen lets go, white seeds splashing up onto his chest, and it isn't long before a warmth erupts within him. He can't even keep his eyes open in the aftermath, but it doesn't stop him from whispering. "I love you, BaKanda…"

"I love you too, Moyashi."

* * *

"Roses are red, violets are blue... Life sucks ass and Kanda's a dick."

Lavi, who'd come in for his mission, ducks his head to avoid being clobbered by the irritated samurai; last night, he and Allen got caught by Komui in the communal baths... And they're in trouble. "Roses are red and violets are blue. Allen can't rhyme, we all know it's true."

"Bastard!"

"Don't act like it's my fault!"

"It's always your fault!"

"As if, Moyashi!"

Komui comes in a stern look on his face, shutting the two of them up momentarily. "I don't have a problem with the two of you being together, but you can't flaunt it anymore."

"What do you mean?" Allen asks, then it hits him. "The Vatican's threatening us with treason, aren't they?"

"Yes. We can fight them and become our own organization, and we will... But for the time being, we follow their laws... If they wish to, they could kill you."

Kanda pulls Allen to his side to calm him, but it's not enough to keep him from saying, "I should have died... I shouldn't have let you stop me... We wouldn't be in this position if I had..."

"Don't you dare say that!" He pulls Allen's head to look into haunted silver eyes. "I will fight of the Millennium Earl himself if I have to. Until the end, I will always be beside you, no matter what we do."

"Even if we have to fight the Vatican?"

Kanda nods. "Even then. Forever..."

"Forever..."


End file.
